05 February
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Что общего между Интернетом и половым членом с женской точки зрения
1. В первый раз вы не получаете никакого удовольствия.2. Сначала вы его немного боитесь, но он вас интригует и возбуждает.
Затем, когда вы знакомитесь с ним, его размерами, силами, возможностями поближе, вы изучаете его, а он обучает вас, у вас с ним завязывается все более нежная дружба, и он постепенно з 3. Когда он вам нужен больше всего, вы не можете до него дозвониться.
4. У вас есть доказательства, что он поддерживает связь с другими, но в этом его натура. А ваша проблема - не подцепить какой-нибудь вирус.
5. Порой приходится приложить немало усилий, чтобы наладить связь.
Но иногда еще больше, когда она прервалась, а вам хочется еще.
6. Иногда он падает по ему одному известным и не зависящим от вас причинам и в самый неподходящий для вас момент.
7. Когда вы узнаете, что его провайдер не единственный в мире, вы пробуете с другим, потом с третьим... Вы понимаете, что, оказывается, он бывает разный, по силе, скорости и качеству. И, наконец, вы находите такого, который удовлетворяет вас.
8. С ним можно иметь дело в институте, на работе, даже, если есть желание и возможность, в поезде и в самолете, но наибольшее удовлетворение вы получаете все-таки ночью и дома.
9. С ним можно учиться и трудиться. С ним можно играть и отдыхать.
На него можно тратить деньги, но можно и зарабатывать.
10. Теперь, когда вы так к нему привязаны и так от него зависимы, вы иногда с тоской вспоминаете то время, когда были свободны. Но отказаться от него вы не в силах...
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Надпись на дверях венеролога
"Не все женщины одинаково полезны".
Запощено Sergio в 12:36:37 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Коротко и ясно
Секс с деловой женщиной.- Можно?
- Войдите!
Запощено Sergio в 12:34:10 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Доходчиво
Дочь объявила матери, что ей сделали предложение и она замуж собирается выходить. А мать ей:- Но ты смотри, до свадьбы с ним ни-ни! Не вздумай! Это как, знаешь, если бы тебе на Новый год подарили велосипед, а кататься на нем - до лета потерпи. Поняла?
- Поняла, поняла про велосипед. Но насосом-то хоть можно пока попользоваться?
Запощено Sergio в 12:26:39 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Надо думать...
Муж с женой в постели. Жена достигает оргазма, потом ещё раз. Муж продолжает как заведённый. У жены третий, четвёртый, пятый... Наверху блаженства она спрашивает:- Дорогой, что с тобой сегодня?
- Что? Ой, прости... Задумался.
Запощено Sergio в 12:24:22 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Гениальное - просто...
- Как утешить девушку?- Сделай ее женщиной.
Запощено Sergio в 12:20:27 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Начало положено
После шумной свадебной пирушки молодожены поднимаются к себе в номер.Разволновавшийся новоиспеченный муж 3 минуты не может попасть ключом в замочную скважину. Жена со вздохом:
- Хорошенькое начало, нечего сказать!
Запощено Sergio в 12:16:25 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Техника безопасности
Беседуют два мужика:- Тут одна тёлка меня так грамотно отшила! Позвал я её, значит, к себе и игриво так намекнул: мол, проблем не будет, - мы, электрики, пользуемся резиновыми средствами защиты не только на работе...
- Ну, а она?
- А она, прикинь, ответила, что хоть она и не электрик, но тоже научена не ходить по голым кабелям!..
Запощено Sergio в 11:55:32 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Объявление
"Для вас, женщины! Донорская сперма отличного качества достанется той, которая сумеет ее извлечь!"
Запощено Sergio в 11:02:47 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Антикризисное
Обувь будет носиться значительно дольше, если не покупать новую.
Запощено Sergio в 11:01:04 - Камменти, будешь первым!
04 February
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Факт
Сантименты - это чувства, а алименты - это их последствия.
Запощено Sergio в 16:59:15 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Каждому свое
Новоиспеченный папаша со своим другом пришел в роддом. Вокруг медсестры с детьми.Идут друзья, головами по сторонам вертят и разговаривают:
- Какие же все они хорошенькие в этом возрасте!
- Ага, особенно в этих беленьких халатиках!
Запощено Sergio в 16:51:38 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Охотники
Она:- Я хочу...
Он:
- И я хочу...
Она:
- Давай вместе хотеть!
Запощено Sergio в 16:49:15 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Совет
Послушай женщину и сделай наоборот...А потом переверни ее и сделай так, как она хочет...
Запощено Sergio в 16:47:03 - Камменти, будешь первым!
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Третье свидание
Прихожу к девушке. Протягиваю пакет- в пакете цветы шампанское... и, блин, забыл презервативы в карман переложить.Она заглядывает в пакет - сначала озадачилась, потом улыбнулась и грит:
- А что так откровенно?
- А что скрывать?
- А женишься?
- А что так быстро?
- А что титьки мять?